Found this 16th January 2011 post, lying hidden in the drafts section. Nice reminder about "friends". Written in times of tumult - you'll have to pardon the grammar at some places. Unsurprisingly, I read this one again and again. And felt like sharing. Just how life shapes up from amidst the ruins. :) Hindsight can play with the size of issues, just like a rear-view mirror. Yet a view that tells a lot:
Nusrat's music is the best thing to run in the background. Specially when you are in the middle of a forest, miles away from civilization. I am at Corbett's. I need to be alone. I need to be with somebody. I am here with friends. They are the best part of my life. And I have realized that as late as a few months ago. They never ask me for explanations. They remind me of how different I could have been. They remind me of all that I missed doing and being in these futile, barren years. So many years, I always took time off them, avoided them......because it was easiest to do. They didn't complain then. But now, I need a lot of their time. They don't complain. They don't ask me where I was all those years. They know. They simply know. And when conversations somehow bring "that" in discussion, they effortlessly avoid it. They know I can't talk about it. They don't talk about it. Conversation turns to loneliness and its need. I thump down shamelessly, I shout about the need of loneliness. They simply listen. And in doing that, they prove a point. Good friends can leave you lonely in their company and return back when you call them. When I bring "that" in discussion, totally unable to resist it, they tell me point-blank that it was my goof-up. They tell me that it was me who screwed it. But they still like me, or so they make me believe. Nusrat continues to sing....I continue to hide the volcano. It gets unbearable after a while. I take it out on them, my friends. I get unduly aggressive in a harmless discussion. They bear my temper. They laugh about it the next morning. We drive back. They laugh about everything on the drive back. I join them. I laugh about a lot of things and realize that they are actually worth laughing at. I start forgetting my mom's knotted eyebrows, my idiotic obstinacy, my chaotic agony, "that" day, my scared reactions - all I look forward to is the future. I feel safe. I feel better. Everything shall be like everything of the old. Nusrat keeps singing...I feel that turn, I feel that urge, I am loving my life. Thanks Nusrat...and thanks for smacking that beach up bros! :P
Nusrat's music is the best thing to run in the background. Specially when you are in the middle of a forest, miles away from civilization. I am at Corbett's. I need to be alone. I need to be with somebody. I am here with friends. They are the best part of my life. And I have realized that as late as a few months ago. They never ask me for explanations. They remind me of how different I could have been. They remind me of all that I missed doing and being in these futile, barren years. So many years, I always took time off them, avoided them......because it was easiest to do. They didn't complain then. But now, I need a lot of their time. They don't complain. They don't ask me where I was all those years. They know. They simply know. And when conversations somehow bring "that" in discussion, they effortlessly avoid it. They know I can't talk about it. They don't talk about it. Conversation turns to loneliness and its need. I thump down shamelessly, I shout about the need of loneliness. They simply listen. And in doing that, they prove a point. Good friends can leave you lonely in their company and return back when you call them. When I bring "that" in discussion, totally unable to resist it, they tell me point-blank that it was my goof-up. They tell me that it was me who screwed it. But they still like me, or so they make me believe. Nusrat continues to sing....I continue to hide the volcano. It gets unbearable after a while. I take it out on them, my friends. I get unduly aggressive in a harmless discussion. They bear my temper. They laugh about it the next morning. We drive back. They laugh about everything on the drive back. I join them. I laugh about a lot of things and realize that they are actually worth laughing at. I start forgetting my mom's knotted eyebrows, my idiotic obstinacy, my chaotic agony, "that" day, my scared reactions - all I look forward to is the future. I feel safe. I feel better. Everything shall be like everything of the old. Nusrat keeps singing...I feel that turn, I feel that urge, I am loving my life. Thanks Nusrat...and thanks for smacking that beach up bros! :P
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